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wMonday, April 29 good ish...haha...ooOH my...driving 95 to vallejo...sweeeeeeet...and it's great to have friends like you guys....and happy fucking birthday to fucking matt...even though he wont read this...haha haha...forever is my new favorite cd store... one and one together it all adds up to you and me don't sit and watch like i'm a fantasy i'm really here so come and dance with me one and one together it all adds up to you and me i can't stand watching you just watching me don't you think it's time to come dance with me? recommended dLs musiq soulchild - half crazy sharyn maceren - one and one (hyperspace lcub mix) posted by josh at 8:45:00 PM w well helen..heh. i brought cynthia flowers cuz i did that the time i went to her mainstage performance, but i had to stay hella later than my parents were cool with to give em to her. so i ended up having to give them to her sister to give to her, cuz i was about to get murdered by my dad. so i felt bad that night, so long ago, before we were together, and i wanted to actually see her face when she got em this time. so she came down during the intermission on saturday, and we were about to go outside, and i was like "oh wait, lemme get my jacket". and under my jacket was the flowers. so i go under my seat to get the jacket and the flowers, and she sees some people she knows and starts talking to them. so i jus stood up and held the flowers up, and she didn't even notice, cuz she was facing the other way. she was talking and she threw up her hands and kinda hit the flowers, then she turned towards me and looked at them, then at me with the most beautiful smile ive ever seen. it was great. life is lovely, as long as u see it that way. peace and love... posted by billy at 6:17:00 PM wSunday, April 28 dance fest was pretty cool. the second half was very good, and thats not because of the dancing. it seems like there's a battle between laguna and sheldon for best company. i gotta give it to sheldon though, cuz there's this one girl in UR thats freakin hot. i couldn't take my eyes off her the whole time. she was up on the scaffold, i was about to explode. haha. man, last night was seriously great though. the flowers thing went perfectly. i love that look on her face everytime i do something like that. makes me so happy. well, i wish everyone peace, love, and life well lived again. later... posted by billy at 1:18:00 PM w Never thought that we would ever be more than friends Now I’m all confused cause for you I have deeper feelings We both thought it was cool to cross the line And I was convinced it would be alright Now things are strange, nothings the same And really I just want my friend back And my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone (oh can’t get you out of my system) And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on (holding on) Said my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone (can’t get you out of my system) And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on (yeah) I’d hate walk away from you as if this never existed Cause when we kissed the moment after I looked at you different Lately I gotta watch what I say Cause you take things personally nowadays You used to laugh now you get mad Damn I just want my friend back And my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone (oh can’t get you out of my system) And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on (holding on) Said my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone (can’t get you out of my system) And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on oh oh oh oh oh yeah What happened to the one I used to know (oh yeah yeah) The one I used to laugh and joke with The one I used to tell all my secrets We used to chill and be down for whatever whenever together yeah And my mind’s gone half crazy (oh) cause I can’t leave you alone (I’m going half crazy baby) And I’m wondering if it’s worth me (oh) holding on (over you) Said my mind’s gone half crazy (yeah) cause I can’t leave you alone (and I just don’t know) And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on (said I just don’t know what to do now) we used to chill (yeah) we used to hang we used to do we used to do some many things together (yeah) yeah yeah yeah yeah oh oh yeah oh oh oh posted by josh at 1:13:00 AM wSaturday, April 27 hello all. its been a while since i posted on here. happy belated birthday kym. hey josh *points at the same time as josh...hahahaha. good times. watch out for snipers everybody. and of course, keep an eye out for blitzkreig, he could strike at any moment. kevin, if ur readin this, call me and tell me what ur gonna do for dance fest, if ur goin or not, what time, all that madness. and if anyone else reads this and is going, post on here and i'll check it before i leave. ok, i wish everyone peace, love, and life well lived. tah tah... posted by billy at 10:27:00 AM wThursday, April 25 why the fuck do i even try? star testing...i already got $1000..hopefully i'll get another $1000..but i still hate taking the tests..happy birthday to kim...jesse has a nice house..a little eminem overdose eh? sunday:nothing important...monday:nothing important...tuesday:hoa viet and forever...and racing rambo down some backroad...i let off around 75...he goes by..haha...some lady in a green civic went past us earlier...and we caught up with her...so she pulls off to the side...funny...yeah...then wednesday:nothing important...thursday: i dunno...took hashim home...then we all went to ihop IN LAGUNA...hahahah...kevin went to ihop ON FLORIN...AHAHAH...at least you didn't end up in a roseville ihop..haha jp.. aiight...you know what sucks?...i dunno...you all said it's wrong to be friends with someone you have feelings for...and i dunno...it hella hurts when you have feelings for someone and that other person doesn't feel the same way...and i don't know...and then when they hecka move on hella fast...i feel like i got put up on the shelf hella fast...forgotten...like i always am in english...i don't know...who knew...i try and be friends...but it's hard...we had a discussion in english..."there's plenty of fish in the sea, but even the most beautiful can be decieving..." "be carefree, but be careful..." "better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all." "regrets are like footprints" "follow your heart" "love is a risk...yet everyone still takes that risk" "stay true to yourself" (be true to thine own self)...whatever...i can sit here and wait...or i can go out...i try and take my mind off it...[ i raced matt down elk grove florin...he said he was pullin 90...i dunno about me i wasn't lookin at the speedometer...all i know is i had about a car length on him ]...yeah it was fun, but then when all's said and done, i still think about it...but i don't know what's going on..i try and take my mind off stuff by looking at other girls?...however fucked up that may sound ...it takes some of pain away...but then it comes back..i can't say i don't have feelings for her...attached? i guess, good? i don't think it is..to hang onto something that you can't have...i dunno. it's not right. about the feelings thing...i thought you can't control your feelings? but you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for? yeah the last thing i wanted to do was drift apart, but we did..agh..and then i don't know..i don't wanna leave this thing with regrets, but if she isn't willing to try it again it's not like i can force her...so i'll just leave it be...yes...the worst way to miss someone is to be right next to them knowing you can't have them..so why do i even try? if she doesn't feel the same way?...whatever...i dunno.. • When you love someone, they become a part of you. This is why it hurts when you lose them; you're losing a part of yourself. • It hurts when something good ends, but it'll hurt even more if you cling to it knowing that it's no longer there. • Which is better? A lie that draws a smile,or a truth that draws a tear? posted by josh at 9:35:00 PM wSaturday, April 20 i was taught to forgive... and hold no grudges.. so i'll try and go on... it was friends first...then much more... but what happend? we're back to friends? how'd it change? what went wrong? the times we shared.. they'll never be erased.. i'll miss the way we were inseperable when we were together.. and the way we were happy being with each other... but if this is the way...just know that i love you... and that you'll always have a place in my heart i'm gonna go on...still loving you - innerlude deep inside my heart, you'll leave me never - kai posted by josh at 12:55:00 PM wFriday, April 19 =*( ...me and jess...just...broke up.....=*( ..i seriously am crying. i never wanted it to come to this. but it did...i care about her so much...=*(...it hella hurts right now...knowing it had to come to this. you all know i'm one to hang on...and i dunno if it's a good idea...i hope one day you'll feel the same way i do...but all i can do is hope...we've had a lot of great times...but i dunno...i always thought it would never come to this...ironically...i left school when the bell rang to go see her...ironically...i went to guna juice after all this...and i ran into jess fleming...and i talked to her for a while...and i asked her if people have any control over the feelings they have...and she said no...she jus said how she can lie to herself, to try and make herself believe...and ironically again...jessica ayers ran into us...and i dunno...i just sat in front of bel air for a while after they left....thinking about what just happend...i so didn't want it to come to this...but it seems like she lost the 'butterflies' for me?..and i thought i always made her happy....and i guess she didn't wanna drag this out... =(..omg...*sigh*...so many questions left unanswered...time constraints...but i don't know...=(...i think i'd be lying to myself saying i'm okay...i mean...helen told me she just wanted to enjoy hs...and sorry if i put my feelings out there..but that's how i felt.....we went through hella...and i just feel like we're just giving up..i feel hella helpless...ahh...confusion...and she asked if we could still be friends...yeah we can...but it hurts knowing we're friends...and we can't be anything more..i always wanted us to be more than that...and that i'd always make you happy...but her feelings for me changed...and that's...i dunno... they say that time will dry the tears but true love burns for a thousand years give my tomorrows for one yesterday... just to know that i could have you here... ...=*( posted by josh at 8:59:00 PM wThursday, April 18 take the test...colorgenics ...it's kinda scary... here's an excerpt from my results... At this particular time you are feeling the results of extreme stress and you are seeking a 'way out' but you are pushing too hard. Obviously you need peace, tranquillity and contentment. Your temperament is such that you are hoping, unrealistically perhaps, that your desires will shortly be fulfilled (even if at this time you are not quite sure what those true aspirations may be!). You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and, whatever the reason, at this time of your life you feel as if you are being 'left out'. What you really need is perhaps some 'tender loving care'. posted by josh at 7:28:00 PM wWednesday, April 17 i saw jess today..so =)..even though i felt outta place...cuz i knew almost no one..and yeah...i didn't get to kick it with her as much as i wanted to...but she had stuff to do...and i'm not the only person she's there for..her world doesn't revolve around me..she has other friends..so yeah..and i guess she wanted her space..there's times where i just wanted to hug her..but i didn't..but we talked for a while...about random stuff. so =) ..and i don't know..i made jess feel bad cuz i was hecka like..sad...but what am i supposed to do?..kevin had kristin...marielle had her hw...if anthony would've came, he would've had elaine...but anthony's coo and he offered to kick it with me...even if elaine was there...and i'm not blaming anyone...it's not like i'm not used to feeling out of place...i'm not trying to make anyone feel better...but the fact of the matter is...i feel outta place all the time...i get dragged to parties my parents go to...i know absolutely no one there...i end up sitting with my mom for hours on end...asking when we're going home...even though there's like...hella other people i could kick it with. that's the way it's been since i've been young. sure i know some people. but i'm not gonna kick it with them...because i feel hella outta place even with people i know..even with friends. however stupid or ridiculous that may sound it's the truth...yeah i know you guys...but i dunno...i feel like i'm left out of the loop all the time..maybe i need to be in the know?...i like being the center of attn?...maybe i'm just tired of all the bullshit floating around..and if i get upset..or mad..and you want to know why..ask..but i don't know...there's so much stuff going on right now..my minds one big mess. english paper, chemistry lab, school in general, grades, jess, AP test- i better get at least a 3, star test, SATs, ACTs, sat ii's, ..college, multicultural...my car...life..finals...summer...soon...summer, soon...12 hours of sleep daily...relax and not stress for 12 hours...then repeat for 3 whole months...woOo. i can't wait. i didn't bother counting all the days, but theres only around 50 days left...1 1/2 months...and my rents are being nice to me...they hella jus came outta nowhere..."we're giving you $500.."...they refinanced our home. time for josh's long awaited speakers. posted by josh at 11:27:00 PM wTuesday, April 16 she asked for time... and he gave her what she needed... he cares so much... so he'll respect her wishes.. but he misses her so much and wants to tell her... don't impose... don't push...he thinks... time is what she asked for... but he doesn't know what to say... just know that he misses you... *sigh*...anyway...about multicultural rally...i don't really care...i get out of first period...and i dont have to turn in my chem lab...but i'll still work on it...too bad i still have to find a song for this english hw...i loathe that class...and this research project...good God...7-8 pages...presentation?...aw crap... posted by josh at 9:46:00 PM w thanks to everyone who i talked to and those who helped me...iono..a good part of day was probably unwinding in front of kevin's tv with tennis 2k2...ddr club mix and mix2...the best part would be talking to jess...but i have english hw now...i loathe that class... posted by josh at 1:02:00 AM wMonday, April 15 omg... =*( today was not a good day for me... we'll backtrack...some foo opened his door on my car...fuck if i care his car's nicer...maybe it's cuz i beat him here...cuz he went a different way and mugged me...dumbass...and then some foo tried to start shit with me at lunch too...bitch ass...one of these days... but that's not why i'm sad...it's jus that me n jess talked a lot last night...and she told me she needed a break..so she can think stuff over...and i can't help but be scared of what she's thinking...but it was like...omg..and i care a lot about her..she's so special to me..and i can't say that enough..because it's true... and if she needs space i'm willing to give it to her so it will help our relationship. but i'm hella scared of what she's thinking right now..... but i was talkin stuff over...and i dunno...lana and kat said breaks are good...alisha was just hella blunt about how she felt...omg last night was like...hella hard...and i didn't wanna say anything because it might have looked like i was just saying it to try and fix the problem...but she knows how i feel..i've told her before...and i want you to believe me....plzzzz....but i dunno...i'm hella lost and confused...and i dunno...hella things were said to me today...i dunno omg.. =*( somehow i think this is partly my fault...but i don't know...II DONT KNOW....=*( * posted by josh at 4:00:00 PM wSunday, April 14 oh my...i finally talked to my cousin emerald...filipino nickname: em em..yeah...she's coo...families always fun to talk to. so are bf/gfs...or just people your'e talking to..haha...right helen? posted by josh at 10:38:00 PM w okay i'm glad you had fun at prom lara. and yeah. i'm still a bit confused about some stuff. hopefully i can understand...cuz i talked to a few people...and yeah. stuff was said. and i tried to call you back jess..but i asked for you and then your mom like...put down the phone...and it was like she didn't try and get you...so i just hung up...and why the crap did my dad hella try and pick a fight with me... posted by josh at 6:53:00 PM w love....what a crazy word. it means so much to tell someone that you love them, and its a big risk. but its definitely worth the risk. don't hold ur feelings back, ur feeling them for a reason. thank u josh, that thing u put in here about telling someone how u feel before theyre gone really got to me. and man, i would miss you if u were suddenly gone, i really would. i know u may not consider me a true friend, but i consider u one. ur a wise person, and not jus because u have ur own insights, which u do, but i've noticed that ur very good at recognizing the wisdom of others. thats not something that a whole lot of ppl can do. and kym, i noticed that u were absent from the blog, and i missed u. ok, talk to u all of u later. i wish u all peace, love, and life well lived. posted by billy at 7:33:00 AM w dun dun dunnnnnnn so i thought my car was gonna get washed for "free" by revo..but by the time i got there they were done...AH...and then i went to my dads office cuz theres a pyc meeting tomorrow...but yeah...friday was fun..played ball with jesska..IN THE DARK!...that's why we tied...and i was in my socks..haha, she had my shoes...and uMm...we went to osaka sushi and had tempura ice cream...and i liked it..cuz tempura ice creams hecka good!...saturday was okay...i talked some stuff over with jess..and i realized some stuff?...i dunno. posted by josh at 1:15:00 AM wSaturday, April 13 ..kinda makes me wonder if i just disappeared if any of you would take notice...or would you just not care? did i make a mark on your life?...or are you just not happy with me around?... ..i've been looknig into my friendships in the past few months...and i don't really know who's a true friend or who isn't...what makes a friend a...friend? are they just there to hang out afterschool?...or to kick it with at lunch?...i don't know...i've been thinking over hella shit...i don't know whats going on anymore... ..center people have fun at jr prom...lara owes me picture(s). get one from andrew for me...i wanna see his date.. ..don't dwell on the past...but look towards the future... posted by josh at 4:38:00 PM w The Important Things Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way. Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. And learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was it worth it? 1433 =\ posted by josh at 4:01:00 PM wThursday, April 11 oh my...lmao.. you know what's hella coo?...how me n jess can talk about stuff..and work things out..no matter what. so for that i'm thankful. and i'm sorry i did what i did jess..and i mean sorry when i say it. and i'm glad i got to see you today!..still gotta ball...bring your A game tomorrow to angel's!! =) jk jk...so yeah...thank God for 411 directory assistance...and i gotta go set up an appt for 24 hr fitness..ok...that's all...except for happy 9 weeks...now that's all posted by josh at 8:53:00 PM w what the fuck is up with that picture? haha, jus playin. its.....ummm.....its......nice. skibo! i need directions to angel's house if i will be able to go tommorrow. chances are that i won't be able to go. is anyone going to see the wiz? im goin with cynthia on saturday. ok, thats pretty much it from me. the hieroglyphics rule. gyeaaaah. life is lovely. peace and love.... posted by billy at 8:46:00 PM wWednesday, April 10 uhh...todays not my day...i'll just shut up for a while...you guys can click post&publish now if you didn't notice.... ...i can't properly explain shit and for that my ass is gonna fail english...i loathe that class...i hate school...i got my fucking grades in today...what a bunch of bullshit FUCK SCHOOL. i dont need grades to tell me i'm smart. "Name the 7 continents: north america, south america, east america, middle america..." (an actual answer on a freshmans geography test) what's this world coming to? yeah todays not my day... posted by josh at 10:44:00 PM w ..naps...i like naps... so i went to laguna today...haha...i was waiting for jesska in this one hallway...but there was a bit of miscommunication, and i was waiting in the wrong hallway...yeah..and why'd some girl offer me a pencil for a mcflurry....wtf?!..so yeah...i finally saw jEsS...(yOu're a kLeptO!! =Þ, but i still love you!)...i'm so happy. you're so special to me did we match?...i think we did...see thru sweaters =)...i saw my "couSin" chRis...he was getting harassed to show his skating skillS...oh i saw charlotte too and my dad just told me he's getting a DSL line in his office..and now i'm pushing him to get a new comp...preferrably...p4 1.8 ghz...with a burner...and an 80 gig hd?...with 512 mbRAM...windows xp...oh my...that'll be the day...i'm gonna live in that office and make cds, i still need speakers for my car....and i'm still working on this gf ringtone...I ALMOST GOT IT!!!!!...and freakin multicultural MANDATORY rehearsals..i was never made aware of MANDATORY rehearsals..oh well..i came home and just sleeeeeeeept...gotta go to 24 hr fitness..who wants to go? posted by josh at 9:11:00 PM wTuesday, April 9 ..HALF DAY TOMORRRRRRRRRRROWWWWWWWWWW and i missed you today billy...but i had first lunch...free milk...greedy bastards took hellla...oh well...thanks to lolli for makin me do my project 1 night early...haha...more time for me to..slack off ..iono...i dun have much to write..except for the fact that i'm always sleepy...i like jess...and one month ago we were at prom...wow...a month...aiight i'm out...and like kevin and billy: live is lovely... oh yeah...i am now a member of 24hr fit...cuz i'm hella outta shape...but yeah...now i'm out... posted by josh at 10:09:00 PM w yello everyone. i know none of u noticed, but i wasn't at school today. i was on a field trip to watch argentian dancers at the crest theater. it was pretty cool. and i think right now is a good time to put in my 2 cents on relationships, considering i jus spent the whole day with cynthia. taking anything too seriously, especially in high school, is silly. i mean, realistically, we're prolly not all gonna stay with the ppl we're with right now forever. although, i think it would be ideal if we did. right now, i feel that i want to be with cynthia forever. its possible, but its not probable. so im just trying to enjoy the present situation, which is very easy to do. im happy right now, and im not worried about the future. as far as the whole "love" thing, i think that it comes when it comes. if u feel like saying it, then u should really contemplate what it means to u to say it. i know ive been thinking about it a lot. i think that putting love into a relationship may make it more difficult, but anything worthwhile is difficult. but then again, what do it know? this is my first relationship ever, so i don't really know anything but what i feel. ok, thats my tyrade for the day. today was wonderful, im grateful for all the amazing things in my life right now. life is lovely. posted by billy at 4:08:00 PM wMonday, April 8 ..when the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.. agree or disagree...hit me up on aim or post it here...sN: QtPinOY789 posted by josh at 5:48:00 PM wSunday, April 7 happy 2 months to my beautiful, bestest, most specialest girl ever: jEsSkA! thank you for so much babe...and i think dane's gonna get the plate from jasons house...and he might give it to you..so if you can...just hold onto it for me plzzzz and i hope you liked your cheesecake, and we'll go to spaghetti factory soon.. haha...i walked in on jason and deidra...oh my...and kevin suprised kristin...awww...that is all. i'm out. posted by josh at 10:39:00 PM wSaturday, April 6 guess where i went today....cynthia's house! booyah! haha. it was great. so simple. jus watchin bruce lee. i love it over there. her mom is hella cool. man...im so happy. my mind is racing, its a great feeling. i can't even form a coherant thought. its all jus jumbled up. whew...i guess thats pretty much it. life is lovely. posted by billy at 9:18:00 PM wFriday, April 5 a chinese proverb once said "do not write a letter while you are angry." ok so just modify that..."do not write a blogger post while you are angry." and you'd get my mindset of how i feel about my actions a few days ago.. on a much happier note...i got out of playing at the rally today..and so we got outta school around 2.15...so then some of us decide to go to laguna for a suprise visit...hehe...too bad i didn't know jess' last class...so i kinda wandered around laguna for a while. but then i finally found her and i was just like =D...*it's jess!*...hehe...so kevin got to see kristin...i got to see jess...oh my..there's my day...gone posted by josh at 10:52:00 PM w helen? jesse? im lost. haha, congradulations, neleh, if he's who i think he is. ur next lara. i know u'll find a great guy in the very near future. jus keep ur eyes open for the good ones, like josh and kevin. nice guys finishing first, allllll right *head motion. oh yeah, SKIBOOOOOO! man, im in such a good mood right now. i love life. i hope everyone else does too. posted by billy at 7:05:00 PM wThursday, April 4 oh my...i'm feeling so much better. i dont know why i flipped out...sorry... but i'm better and todays THURSDAY...=þ...know what that means?....JESSKA!!!!!!!...love you babe!!....plz don't ever doubt that...sunday!!!! okay?...aiight...i seriously had too much chocolate today...lets see...bought chocolate from eddy....toffee nuggets...sweet mother...chocolate milk at lunch...chocolate at my dads office...woOOoo...sugar...and the fact that i saw jess today and we were MATCHING!...and we didn't even plan that ish out..yer so beautiful...can i like...keep you forever?? and yeah...okay i think i'll be on my way home...when's practice for multicultural rally?...because i don't know the dance...hahahaha... posted by josh at 5:46:00 PM w taken from david's away message wensomeones down wouldnt it be great if you were all they needed to come bak up? oh my fucking god people better come straight up with shit when i ask them...i hella just read some shit my friend wrote in her diary and i dunnnoooooo........some shit she said got me thinking again....but then again...assumings bad...so if i ask someone about something...i don't want any bullshit answer...i want a straight answer...cuz i hella feel where she's coming from...cuz she's going through the same thing basically. and i can't help but wonder...but we're only human...and when stuff be going down behind your back...sometimes you can't help but wonder...but then again...i think she took something too far...so whoever reads this cuz i dont know who does...but okay...but FUCK...FUCK...i hate logging off on a bad note...seeing how people log off on you unexpectedly..doesn't that just leave you in a bad mood?! does to me.............and i dunno...thinking...i need a drink...do i drink?...no...i need fucking answers is what the fuck i need. i curse when i'm mad...didn't you notice whatever....are you that someone that can take me outta this down?...i always thought you'd be...can i still think the same way?...or am i just fooling myself? am i in denial? am i?...or am i just overthinking this whole thing? honestly i seriously don't know what to do, or what to think...friendship?...aiight...sure....whatever....damn this shits depressing me...fuck it...fuck the world...FUCK THE WORLD edited in fourth period:: i'm not assuming anymore...i'll just go to the source...just disregard everything up there...i'm over it...i'm stupid...again...sorry....i shouldnt do that...i'll just talk to people... posted by josh at 12:52:00 AM wWednesday, April 3 honors kids cease to amaze me... "the superficiality of life lose all meaning in the arms of meaning and worth..." interesting date... 04.03.02...haha posted by josh at 8:03:00 PM w i don't have a program either. i jus either find or scan something to put on a shirt and print it out on iron-on transfer paper. its really easy. "i miss you" is a great song, even though that message wasn't directed towards me, heh. ive been listening to a lot of bob marley lately. i think i may make a bob marley and a jimi hendrix shirt in the near future. sublime has been in my cd player for a while too. ok then, thats all i have to say. life is still lovely. peace and love... posted by billy at 5:23:00 PM wTuesday, April 2 SKIIIII BOOOOO! Scotland is where its at! posted by billy at 6:08:00 PM w my sister makes diy skirts all the time. theyre pretty cool, if i was a girl, or scottish, i would hella do that. but for now i'll stick to my diy t-shirts. and darned if i didn't put "brown eyed girl" on a mix tape of love songs the other night. im waiting for the right time to give it to cynthia. i put some really good songs on there. by the way, thanks for the pic again josh. life really is lovely... posted by billy at 4:25:00 PM wMonday, April 1 My love, do you ever dream of Candy coated raindrops? You're the same, my candy rain Have you ever loved someone So much you thought you'd die? Giving so much of yourself It seems the only way Tell me what you want, and I And I will give it to you 'Cause you are My love, do you ever dream of Candy coated raindrops? You're the same, my candy rain My love Did you ever dream that it could be so right I never thought that I would find All that I need in life All I want, all I need now I know I know I found it in you I found it in you 'Cause you are My love, do you ever dream of Candy coated raindrops? You're the same, my candy rain no...no april fools here....my feelings for you grow each day...7 weeks, 4 days...and i can buy you candy now =þ. thank you for so much you mean so much to me. posted by josh at 8:53:00 PM